Do you naturally take care of people, animals, and situations?
I’m fairly certain I was born a natural caregiver. Since I can remember I have always taken care of people, animals, situations, little bugs and spiders in the house, and anything that needed help wether they asked for it or not.
This can be a beautiful yet tricky part of life and your personality. I have always been the one to jump in to solve a problem, if you needed a place to stay I would be there for you, if you needed my last five dollars you could have it, if there’s a spider in the house I’ll save it, if there’s a bird in the yard I wonder what it needs. I’m constantly thinking of others. The marginalized, environment, and anything that may need my help.
This makes self-care and self-love challenging. It can get in the way of letting people be themselves and taking care of their own problems, it can get in the way of having the time to take care of yourself. Putting others first has been a long time admirable thing to do. But what do you do when you’re so exhausted and you’ve given so much of yourself, do you keep going?
Contrary to an old popular belief the answer is no. I have learned over these eight years of caregiving for my mom with dementia that I need to come first middle and last. This is made me look at life a lot differently. I still have the daily challenge to make sure I am taking care of myself so I can be the best for others. I want to be there for my mom and others but I most importantly need to take care of myself first.
That might mean making my celery juice before filling the birdies waters. It could look like stopping in the moment when my mom and I are having a frustrating caregiving time to take a deep breath and step away from the situation. It could mean that I pick up dinner for her rather than cooking a homemade fresh meal. It means making smoothies and my healthy food before leaving the house to run errands. It looks different for everyone but taking a look at how you put yourself first can make the difference between being a happy generous person rather than doing things for others out of obligation or self-worth.
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